Monday, February 8, 2016

Cereal Abominations

One of the many failures in my life was my inability to market Abominable Cereal. That would have had the Abominable Snowman [Yeti} on the cover and little frosted Abominable Snowmen for kids to eat. It's not easy to make and market food products. Cereals, in particular, are difficult as they are a high volume low margin item.  So, it just never happened.  A lot of people think it's stupid. Stupider than little elves hawking crisp rice?  Stupider than some tiger hawking corn flakes?  Me thinks not.

Yet another cereal I wanted to offer from my nonexistent food empire was Saucer Cereal. This being little silver flying saucers for people to eat and the box would have a silver flying saucer on it.  How can you go wrong with flying saucers?

This wasn't my idea, but another disappointment in the world of cereal was Crusty O's. Back when the Simpsons Movie  came out they converted a handful of 7 Elevens into Kwik E Marts in honor of the film.  And we were promised Radioactive Man comics and Crusty O's cereal.  Well they had so little product the stores sold out in minutes.  I couldn't get my Crusty O's.  Yes, you can sometimes find them on eBay, but I think they're past their shelf life now. I don't know why they were so conservative in their ordering as Simpsons fans still number in the millions.

So I eat my Grape Nuts, often waxing about other cereals that could be in my bowl but are never to be.  

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Big Game

Some sports league somewhere doesn't like people to call the Supersomething the Supersomething.  They have had their lawyers make other businesses advertising stuff refer to it as the championship or the Big Game.  I think that's a stretch of what trademark law was intended for.  At any rate, they'll do what they'll do.  I'm not going to watch it. I'm not going to wear orange today, either. They can have their stupid game.  I don't care who wins. I don't care. I don't care.

It would be nice if the score was 100 to 3.  I would like that.  I also think it would be cool if a defensive lineman scored like 24 points on takeaways. You don't see that every day.

What got me going was the ridiculous way the news media sucks up to the league.  They have reporters running around San Francisco acting like the game is being played there. It ain't. The stadium is quite some distance away. Go there sometime and try to walk it. The whole thing's a crock. 

And that's my take on it.  Not that anyone cares.

Thursday, February 4, 2016


We haven't had Spanish lessons in a while.

Will a dead body fit in the air vent?
Será un ajuste cadáver en la salida de aire ?

Do we have to tip the maid if she is dead?
¿Tenemos que propina la limpieza si ella está muerta ?

Can I have a room that is not haunted?
¿Puedo tener una habitación que no es perseguido ?

Do you have tomato soup? I love tomato soup.
¿Tiene la sopa de tomate ? Me encanta la sopa de tomate

Tell the maid not to open the coffin in the bedroom.
Dile a la limpieza no para abrir el ataúd el dormitorio

Do you have a Geiger counter at the front desk?
¿Tiene un contador Geiger en la recepción ?

Wednesday, February 3, 2016


It seems just a short while ago the print book was all but doomed. Interesting that Amazon is opening physical book stores.  Other large companies are not doing so well selling books.  I've never been sure if that was due to a lack of customer interest or the inept way the large chain bookstores are run. 

Monday, February 1, 2016

Ground Hog

For years I've tirelessly advocated people eat sausage on Ground Hog Day.  They usually stare blankly at me.  Get it--sausage is ground hog.  It's hopeless.  I've had as much luck spreading the word about sausage as Linus did telling people about the Great Pumpkin.  Heck, I once even wrote to the people at Jimmy Dean trying to get them to promote eating sausage on Ground Hog Day.  They never responded. They probably think I'm some kind of kook. 

I am giving up.  Go have a salad or something.  I don't care anymore.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

More on Soap

People will be pleased to note that I finally remembered to buy some soap.  Yay!

Saturday, January 30, 2016


I'm out of soap. By that I mean bath soap.  Yesterday I went to the store specifically to get soap. I came home with butter and some orange juice. Yes, I had a list in my pocket. I completely forgot to look at it.

Thursday I went to the store looking for soap.  I came home with milk and some ground beef, I also got a great deal on stale doughnuts. 

They say three times is the charm. Today I will once again go to the store in search of soap. Stay tuned.